The three most beautiful words in the English language are, "I love you." And four of the most hurtful are, "I love you, but..."*Many years ago (i think i may have been in high school), i came across this quote in Reader's Digest. i'm fairly certain that the author went to a church i used to attend ocassionally. The words struck me hard, and for the last decade or so, i have taken note of how often this phrase is used and endeavored never to use it myself. Those four words, whether in that particular phrasing, or another, can be so detremental to a relationship and to a community. Even in jest, it is easy to give slight emotional bruises that collect over time.
"I love you," can heal in the most wonderfully deep ways imaginable. For someone who needs to hear those words sincerely, they can be life-giving. However, when we are insincere with the use of these words, or use them to softpedal a blow of criticism we are about to deliver, they can become an unwilling weapon.
I love you... but that outfit is a tragedy.
I love you... but you can't dance.
I love you... but I can't help you with that.
I love you... but your family...
I love you... but your friend ____ ...
I love you... but your jokes...
Most of us say something along these lines every day, and alone, they can be fairly innocuous, like stubbing your toe or jamming a finger. But over time, they can add up, making you feel very clumsy, wounded or under attack. I encourage each of you to set aside time each day to speak words of affirmation to the people in your life and to try to catch your tongue every time you're tempted to mitigate an "I love you," with a "but."
And on that note, i have a few people i need to e-mail...
*Editor's note: quote is a very close paraphrase. Actual quote could not be located by publishing deadline.
No comments:
Post a Comment