What do you see?

What do you see when you look at me? When you look at Pattie or Beth or Holly or John or Vinnie or Emily or Alana or Chuck? Is it the same thing? Is it different things? Why? Do you make assumptions about each person you encounter about who they are, their upbringing, their family, their emotional resources, their education, their culture?

i heard a fascinating interview today on NPR with Dr. John A. Rich, the author of Wrong Place, Wrong Time. The book was born out of Dr. Rich's interviews with young black men in the ER when he became curious about why so many of these young black men were there. i'm hoping to read this book because it sounds fascinating, but what i found even more interesting was a particular phrase Dr. Rich used in his interview this morning.

Dr. Rich was discussing his own initial discomfort in interviewing these young men, despite being black himself, because his own upbringing (middle class, suburban and well educated) was so different from theirs. He had his own preconceived notions. He assumed most of these young men were gangbangers, dealers and criminals. It didn't occur to him that they might simply be caught up in the environment in which they lived, victims of circumstance. Upon meeting one young man, he made the assumption that he was unemployed, based on his appearance. But more remarkably, he followed that assumption with one that blew my mind.

Dr. Rich said that looking at him you wouldn't know this was a young man who had a job... and "you wouldn't know this was someone who loved his cousin." i cannot tell you how shocked i was. We all make certain assumptions about people. Some we make from experience, others from cemented notions implanted by culture or media or socially inherited prejudice. We assume that a man in a hardhat and jeans in front of us in line at the Wendy's is a construction worker. We assume all politicians are sleazy.

When i was working as a lifeguard for the YMCA, i made many assumptions about the people who swam there. i once saw a family swimming. They had two little girls, one 2 and one 3 or 4 and another on the way. Dad had a high and tight haircut, was built much like Vin Diesel and fairly tattooed. i assumed that with his build, haircut, tats, and 3 kids about 18 months apart in age, he was probably an actively serving Marine. When i thanked him for his service, he seemed surprised i knew he was a serviceman. We can and do assume much about the people we encounter, and when we're right, it confirms in us not only our correct assumptions, but all our assumptions.

But what really surprised me is that this doctor would make an assumption about this boy's ability to love. i don't know (and maybe the book will reveal this) if he assumed based on the young man's appearance that he had no family or didn't know them or that the family structure was a mess or if he just assumed that his exposure to street life and crime meant he didn't have the emotional resources for love, but it seemed a radical assumption to make. It makes me wonder if one of the reasons there is so much division and prejudice in this world (or country) is not how many assumptions we make about someone's occupation, education, values or family, but rather the assumptions we make about their humanity, their ability to have an occupation, to gain an education, to hold values or to love other people. Once we make assumptions about those things, we have not decided how different a person they are, but how much of a person they are. We have decided how human they are, or can be.

i don't want to lay blame on this doctor i have never met. What i wonder is how much of that sentiment is present in each of us. There is hope in the lives of example, both modern and Biblical, the living out of the knowledge we have that we are each made in God's image, and God cannot be diminished by our prejudices or assumptions. What do you look like? Do you look like someone who loves their cousin? i'm still not sure what that means, but i have hope that we can all look like that and that we can all see that in one another.

*Word(s) of the Week will return on Thursday this week*